Bear Bait
Okay. You all are
going to laugh at me, but that's okay...I laughed at myself. I finally broke
down and joined a gym!
That's
not the funny part. I hired a trainer. You know the type: Marine sergeant, or some such military type, who is used to whipping his troops into shape, and I could tell by the way he looked at me that I was going to be a challenge. I admit I needed a good whoopin into shape, but I was not real sure I was ready for commands and demands from a guy who was much younger and with an attitude.
The trainer started me on what he called an elliptical machine. Obviously, I am out of touch with the latest in gym equipment. I am familiar with the stair-stepper and the treadmill, but this elliptical thing, I am unfamiliar and unsure! It looked dreadful! My first thought was that it looks like one of those ski machines I'd heard about, except the motion of the feet was more like a circular rotation instead of sliding back and forth or up and down.
I can do this! I know I can do this! Determination was setting in. Tenacity! I'm totally psyched and ready to conquer the object in front of me. The daunting task of exercise.
So as I'm mounting the machine, the trainer said, “Your goal is 20 minutes.” I thought, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I know my eyes were as big as saucers. I told him I have one of those stationary bikes set up in front of my TV at home, and my goal was to ride through one commercial. He walked away fully expecting me to comply with his command, after all, he had given me a break! He usually starts trainees out with a 30-minute warm-up.
Well, I thought, surely I can easily do 20 minutes. After all, I am a walker, right? I used to walk 3 or 4 times a week at the gym, an hour at a time. I was a rapid walker back then, and surely, I must have walked the cardiovascular mile at the less than 15 minutes per mile clip. So I figured that, surely, I was walking 4 miles easily if I walked for an hour. That was a few years ago, though. Hmmmmm, let me see, 15 years ago? 20? Oh well, I am a walker!
The trainer started me on what he called an elliptical machine. Obviously, I am out of touch with the latest in gym equipment. I am familiar with the stair-stepper and the treadmill, but this elliptical thing, I am unfamiliar and unsure! It looked dreadful! My first thought was that it looks like one of those ski machines I'd heard about, except the motion of the feet was more like a circular rotation instead of sliding back and forth or up and down.
I can do this! I know I can do this! Determination was setting in. Tenacity! I'm totally psyched and ready to conquer the object in front of me. The daunting task of exercise.
So as I'm mounting the machine, the trainer said, “Your goal is 20 minutes.” I thought, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I know my eyes were as big as saucers. I told him I have one of those stationary bikes set up in front of my TV at home, and my goal was to ride through one commercial. He walked away fully expecting me to comply with his command, after all, he had given me a break! He usually starts trainees out with a 30-minute warm-up.
Well, I thought, surely I can easily do 20 minutes. After all, I am a walker, right? I used to walk 3 or 4 times a week at the gym, an hour at a time. I was a rapid walker back then, and surely, I must have walked the cardiovascular mile at the less than 15 minutes per mile clip. So I figured that, surely, I was walking 4 miles easily if I walked for an hour. That was a few years ago, though. Hmmmmm, let me see, 15 years ago? 20? Oh well, I am a walker!
I
pushed myself and made it for 9 minutes...stopping every few peddle rotations, gasping for breath, before resuming for just a few more rotations! I was so determined, but, finally, I
thought, “I going to die!” I quit. I’m not proud of it...I decided this is
something I need to work up to--tomorrow--next week! When I stepped off the machine, my legs and
back were so wobbly I could hardly stand, much less walk. I had to hold on to each machine in the
row until I reached the front desk--where I had left my car keys--desperately trying not to look like I was suffering from oxygen deprivation. I was so embarrassed and so afraid one of those in-shape bods on the machines next to me would notice I was having such a hard time walking after having exercised only
9 minutes! But, besides that, I had parked the car in the back 40, and panic stricken, I wondered
if I could ever make it to the car! I moved ever so slowly, unsure of each step. Whoof! I made it. When I got
home, I was still wobbly, but oh so grateful to collapse in my recliner...in front of my tv...with my remote...breathing.
What was my motivation? you ask. Well it was this: my teammates at work decided to hike
and picnic on the Grand Mesa while in Grand Junction, Colorado, for staff meetings with the big guys, the bosses. My guys challenged me to get into shape. This task was on my bucket
list, so I had to do it! I'm thinking, I may be kicking the bucket!
My
guys, all of whom are much younger, told me that I didn't have to be in the best of shape. All I have to do is
out run the slowest person on our team...so the bears wouldn’t eat me! I'm thinking, "HEY! I AM THE SLOWEST RUNNER!" These guys are athletes, bike riders, marathon runners, triathlon participants! I'm a secretary with a mostly sedentary lifestyle. I'll show them! I'll cheat! However, I am a little suspicious as to why my guys chose to hike the Grand Mesa.
The scenery was beautiful as we looked out over the valley below. We picnicked at the top of the Mesa, took pictures, and rested before a thunderstorm caused us to descend the mountain much faster than we had ascended, and I am glad to report that we did not encounter even one bear or snake.The Grand Mesa is the largest flat-topped mountain in the world and is about 11,000 feet high. It is located above the desert in west-central Colorado.
Read more about the Grand Mesa: http://www.gorp.com/parks-guide/grand-mesa-national-forest-outdoor
Francene Hopkins
July 2010 (c)
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