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The Grieving Heart

When grief is so great You cannot recognize the grief of others 

You become isolated and blinded 

When your heart is shattered into thousands of pieces because of your loss 

You cannot see the broken pieces of other hearts around you 

Your vision has turned inward preventing you from ever seeing their pain 

When you push away the hearts closest to you 

Those who love you dearly and want desperately to comfort you 

To take away your pain 

It hurts 

When your heart is inconsolable 

They grant you grace and retreat 

As they try to understand your bitter grief and tremendous loss 

Still Their tears flow along side yours and well up in pools of grief that drown their intended purpose 

So those closest to you withdraw 

To quietly and prayerfully grieve over your bitterly grieving heart 

And to commit you to the hands of Our Heavenly Father To comfort you and give you peace 

And to ask for the healing of their broken hearts

 Time Passes


Time passes

And takes with it my pain 

The breathtaking pain of grief 

That lingers 

But finally fades into yesterday


Tears that once flowed continuously 

Slow day by day

To flowing less frequently 

But still never stop


Always the reminders 

Are in everything 

The smell 

The memory 

The glimpse of a shadow 

The space occupied 

Now empty 


Time passes

And takes with it my pain

When I’m no more

No tears

When my memory joins yours


 The Pain Revisits


The pain revisits

When I watch a sad movie

The loss of a loved one revisits and is

Never forgotten 

The loss is relived everyday 

Every night


It’s the sudden, unexpected loss

That replays over and over

As comfort and peace try to

Elude the grasp

Of the bearer

To torture the soul

But God’s mercy intervenes

To grant hope everlasting 


 Who Holds My Tomorrow 


Who holds my future 

Where will I land

In whose hands will I fall

Independence has lost its grasp

As my eyes grow dim

In whose hands hold my days

As my dreams fade away 


Who will care if I fail this life

Or leave unannounced 

To cross over yonder

To the promised land

And seek its beauty beyond


A burden I’ve become 

Unintentional, and yet 

To depend upon offspring 

Is today my beget 

Shorten my days I pray 

For mercy I request 

To meet my maker soon

To see the one 

Who holds my tomorrow 

With no regrets I shall go 


Our World Stopped

 Our World Stopped


When you were taken away, we cried. 

Devastation shrouded our lives

As we tried to understand why. 

The “why” eludes us as we try to grasp the reason and our own purpose. 


Time stood still when we learned of your passing, yet time continued on. 

You are now a memory sealed in our hearts and kept alive with our smiles, laughter… and tears… as we recall significant events and milestones of your life. 


The heartache of losing you is tremendous, and we wonder at our own survival. 


In the wake of your death are many who loved you, and love you still, who are drowning in grief as we learn to celebrate your life and learn to live on without you. The pain is unbearable and breathtaking. 


Until we meet again in the sky, the great beyond, our heavenly home, we will choose life, one day at a time, and rely on God to carry us during our disabled state, a state of confusion and disbelief. 


Love and support help us cope, even so, the hole created by your absence is great and cannot be filled. Your memories will have to suffice until we are able to join you. Until then, we are missing you. 


Fran Hopkins O’Rourke 

2021


Written for and dedicated to my son David O’Rourke in memory of the passing of his son Braden O’Rourke. 


Braden O’Rourke

9/5/2001

4/10/2021

Leprechaun's Deceipt

The rainbow is God's promise
not a path that leads astray
to pots of gold and empty promises
that are soon to fade away

For such things are for the foolish
who chase false hopes and empty dreams
for Leprechaun deceives them
and preys upon their greed

In their search of gold and happiness
to this end they will receive
only grief and disappointment
not the treasure that they seek

Francene Hopkins
Copyright 3-17-2004

The Mask--Her Persona

The Mask--Her Persona


Have you seen her without her mask--her persona?
The pain-filled lines of age lying underneath from years of failed relationships?

Her downcast eyes with an overflow of tears she cannot contain when no one is looking her way?
Her broken heart, pieced back together like a puzzle, that once held love but dares not trust again for fear of shattering?

Do you care? Do you really care?
Or are you content to view the mask--the persona--she portrays to fool all who surround her but do not know her?

Have you heard her laugh, a laugh too loud to deafen the screams of her heart?
Have you noticed she tries too hard to please the undeserving people around her to earn the recognition she craves?
Have you seen the loyalty expressed to so-called friends who could care no less for her efforts?
Have you observed the goodness of her spirit when others are in need?

Do you care? Do you really care?
Or are you content to view the the mask--the persona--she portrays to fool all who surround her but do not know her?

Francene Hopkins
Copyright 7/22/2023

My Grandfather William Jesse (Hoppy) Hopkins

William Jesse (Hoppy) Hopkins

When Lizzie, Jesse's mother died, his father George left Jesse with a Choctaw family for 5 years. Jesse was listed as stepson on the 1900 Indian Choctaw rolls. Jesse learned and spoke the Choctaw language fluently.
They lived at Enterprise, Oklahoma, near Stigler.  Mr. Hopkins [Hoppy] told us the story of how George had taken him back and was going to beat Mr. Hopkins [Hoppy]. As the story goes, Jesse was driving a team of horses pulling a wagon behind George’s wagon.  Jesse got off and George did not know, as he was too far ahead of Jesse. This was when he left home for good. He was 14 years old, and this is when he started caring for himself. George was a very mean old man. They each had a load of watermelons. They could not sell all of them, so they were taking them back home to feed to their hogs, but Jesse gave some melons to a man alongside the road, and it made George angry. George said he was going to beat him when they got home. Jesse wrapped the reins around the brake handle and got off the wagon. The horses followed George's wagon home. Jesse ran away and was gone for 3 years before he ever went back to see George.



Hoppy is holding Wayne Hopkins. W.J. "Jay" Hopkins standing behind chair.

Clarence Jesse Hopkins, 013113-022498

Daddy's Military Service, 1942-1945


I am in the process of verifying this story with National Archives.org.
Years 1942-43 appear to be missing and may have been destroyed in the 1973 fire.

Posted this to Hopkins Tribal History on FB, a private family group:

WWII

This story, as told to my brother and me by our cousin, Johnny Wayne Gallaher, with whom our dad confided. Johnny served in the U.S. Marines in Vietnam, so he and dad had a common connection, death of their military brothers and sisters. My brother, Clarence David Hopkins, served in the U.S. Navy during Vietnam, but dad confided in neither him nor me. We think it was too sensitive a subject for him to talk about with his own kids. We are grateful to Cousin Johnny for sharing this story after our dad's death in February 1997.

My dad, Clarence Jesse Hopkins, served in the U.S. Navy during World War II from 1942-45. Fold3 records show he was assigned to the USS CYRENE and USS VARUNA during 1944-45. There is no evidence of these two ships having been bombed or involved in battle; however, records show one of the ships collided with another US Navy ship; minor damage and no injuries. He went to GI school in Walters, Oklahoma, and received the South Pacific Campaign Bar. His outfit was 4th Specialist Sea Bees. He joined after the start of WWII in October or November 1942. Dad had told Johnny that If they [the Navy] were short of tail-gunners, you could volunteer. He served 18 months in Guadalcanal, 6 months in Okinawa, and the remainder of his time in between those two ports. [Fold3 records show his ships docked as far as the northeast Atlantic coastal port of New Jersey and as far as the Pacific western coastal port of San Francisco, California.]

While anchored at port in Guadalcanal, the crew was unloading 50 gal. drums of gasoline when they were bombed.

"Your dad's ship and a couple of others were at the dock being unloaded when they were hit. He jumped into the water to get away from the fire, and being a good swimmer, he swam to shore. He heard all the yelling and screaming of the others that were in the water. He saw a row boat and he got that and would row out to get whoever he could. Their skin was rolling off their bodies, but he would load them up and take them back to shore.
"The commander of one of the other ships was the one who ask him who had done that [rescued his shipmates], and that is when he said that he didn't know.
"[When cousin Johnny] ask him why he didn't say something [to the commander], because he would have gotten a medal for what he had done, your dad said, 'They don't give medals out when you abandon ship without being ordered to!' He was NOT going to take that chance!"

The “chance” he couldn’t take was the loss of the monthly allotment sent to his mother to support her and his siblings. 

In 1946 Dad returned home on an aircraft carrier and was discharged in San Francisco, California.
Also, Johnny said that Dad saw an ammo dump bombed and that it blew for almost a week.

Additional information about WWII (copied from Wikipedia):

November 1942—United States Marines rest in the field during the Guadalcanal campaign.
Date : 7 August 1942 –
9 February 1943 [Note that these dates are the ones missing from Fold3 records.]
(6 months and 2 days)
Location: Guadalcanal in the Solomon Islands
Result: Strategic Allied victory
Beginning of Allied Offensive Operations in the Pacific

Corn on the Cob

Corn on the Cob


I think dinner was okay last night, at least bro didn't reach for the peanut butter and bread. We had pan fried pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, pan-fried breaded squash, and corn on the cob.

Every time I have corn on the cob, I'm reminded of a time when the kids were little and we went home to visit my parents on their small farm in Comanche, Oklahoma. Driving up to the house, I saw a beautiful, green, luscious field of corn.

I told Daddy that my mouth was watering for an ear of corn and could we have some for dinner. He said (as he was laughing), "Well, sister, I planted that corn for the hogs and cows, but if you want some, go out there and pick some. It's not sweet corn, but it's good." He continued to laugh. We didn't have corn on the cob for dinner. I wasn't going to eat hog food! That's for sure!

We did have fried okra, squash, and tomatoes from Mama's garden, which eased my disappointment, but I never forgot the sight of that cornfield. The stalks must have been six-feet tall, or taller, and a beautiful green, a forest, really. As a kid, I could have gotten lost in that forest and eaten my fill of corn...if only it were sweet corn and not hog food.

Butterflies and Flowers

Butterflies and Flowers


Butterflies and flowers
Gliding and flowing to gentle breeze
Her countenance as roses in continuous bloom
Sending sweet aroma to tease
Her beautiful eyes consume all
As her precious heart seizes
All who surround her

Butterflies and flowers
Dancing gleefully through the air
Love as generous raindrops
Gentle showers
Curiosity, desirous freedom lending to flight
Mounting hopeful preservation of family
The one with blue eyes and flowing blonde hair
Seeking justice; patiently awaiting final judgment
Restoration

Butterflies and Flowers
To whom God's favor flows
A lovely and precious mother
wife
sister, daughter
A blessing so generously bestowed
And carefully placed close to our hearts
To share
To love
To protect and preserve unity
Harmony

Francene Hopkins
1-16-2014 (c)
Revised 1-17-2014

Written for and dedicated to my daughter, Lisa Michelle O'Rourke Pilant



Beauty Tip No. 2

Beauty Tip No. 2


Painting Your Face! Drag out all of your beauty items and arrange them on your artist pallet if you have one, if not, use your dressing table top. You will need, from left to right, sandpaper, putty, and a variety of paint colors. I prefer the wilder, brighter colors to make me “look” alive. Tools needed include putty knife, electric buffer, and real, horse hair painter’s brushes (cheap brushes cause streaking). There is no need to remove your face from your head for this procedure, unless you really need to take a closer look at those wrinkles and age spots to ensure they are sufficiently filled and covered with putty. First, wash your face, whether it needs it or not! Sand the rough edges and squirt a little putty in the wrinkles (better than Botox!). Sand again…just because. Apply paint with the appropriate sized paint brush (big brush for big mouths!). Line the eyes and lips with a smaller, thinner paint brush, being careful not to seal them shut. Dab on the blush on the cheek bones, and you’re good to go! Yes, you will resemble a painted flower pot! Nothing like a fresh coat of paint to make a girl feel special.

September 25, 2012
Francene Hopkins

Beauty Tip No. 1

Beauty Tip No. 1


Removing Wrinkles. Detach face from head and place it neatly on the ironing board. Carefully press the eye area. The eye area is much more delicate than the rest of the face and undo pressure could cause permanent wrinkling of the tissue. Also, when pressing the lips, use gentle pressure, as they need to appear plumped, so spritz a little water to rejuvenate them prior to pressing. You may notice that the unwanted hair on your upper lip will be singed from ironing and will disappear altogether once you apply your beauty cream. Shoot! Just dunk your entire face in the beauty cream jar before reattaching it to your head! I do!

Jacks

Jacks!


One of my Bowden classmates suggested we get together and play jacks. I'm not so sure I could play jacks on the floor. First there's the getting down there. Second, the getting back up (I would need assistance or a hoist of some sort). Third, my hands are almost always cold as ice, so bouncing the golf ball on the floor and swooping up the number of jacks I'm supposed to would be a challenge to say the least. Fourth, flipping the jacks could prove to be disastrous! Think about it! I would lose half (or more) of them when I flipped them into the air, and who knows what they would hit and break once they go flying through the air! Plus, there would be the risk of stepping on one of them in my bare feet. How about a game of Monopoly? Spades? Blackjack? Poker? I'm not any good at these games either, but I don't think I would get hurt or break things with cards. The dice? Hummmm...maybe not Monopoly.

Francene Hopkins
Saturday, October 6, 2012

Leo the Lion-Hearted Mop Dog

Leo the Lion-Hearted Mop Dog

Everything was going fine. I made salmon for dinner, pan fried in a little olive oil, pepper and lemon. No amount of talking would convince my bro it is good for him. That's when he started looking for his leftover prime rib from Logan's Steakhouse...half of which I had fed to Leo the mop dog! Bro's jaw dropped when he saw the piece remaining, and I knew I had to confess. I know God is forgiving of my mistakes, but bro prayed to God to help him hide the bodies of those he needs to take care of (I guess Leo the mop dog is in trouble, too!). I pray that God will grant my bro a forgiving heart. Leo loves prime rib!


May 16, 2013

The Window you have Opened

The Window you have Opened


You have given but a small window
To look into your life.
Yet I long to be a part
To share
To give and receive love
To swell my heart with pride
Standing beside you
Rejoicing your accomplishments.

But I peek through the small portal of your life
The window you have opened
Awaiting a door so I may enter
Awaiting …while I watch as days go by
As you pass from childhood to adulthood.

Francene Hopkins
November 17, 2012 ©

Brown Dog

Brown Dog


He had been driven on down the road
His coat was matted; I could see his bones
He was starving, and he moaned
I wondered how long Brown Dog had roamed

Eyes full of fear; a look so sad
His tail was tucked between his legs
Would I let him stay?
Would I drive him on?

How could his Master dump him here?
A pet so loyal . . . man’s best friend!
Only a monster could inflict such pain
On one so trusting and so tame

I could drive him farther on
It’s not my fault he has no home
I patted his head and talked to him
I asked him where he’d been
I fed him and let him lie
  on the porch; I went inside


Francene Hopkins
1994 (Copyright)

Life's Adverse Weather

Life's Adverse Weather


We embrace . . . I feel your touch
  my heart leaps with glee!
I don’t care what we do
  so long as we’re together
Hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart
Through life’s adverse weather

When storm clouds gather
You’re my shield . . . my protector
You’ll take care of me
Our lives to forever share
Heart and soul as we will travel
Through life’s adverse weather

Francene Hopkins
2/6/1996 (c)

The Oilfield--My Playground

The Oil Field--My Playground

The Attractive Nuisance:

I watched a video about oil field dangers in 2011. It was very sad and heart wrenching because it featured children being killed in oil fields. As a kid, I too hung out in an oil field next to the community where I lived in Oklahoma.  It wasn't fenced nor did it have signage. I climbed the ladders of the tanks and rode the pump jacks. It was an intriguing place, and it was my “get away”—and unbeknownst to me, a dangerous place.

I expected the video to include the hazard of chemical exposure, but there was no mention of this hazard. I’ve had uterine and thyroid cancers that I have attributed to being exposed to the dirty soil and waters on, and surrounding, the oil field property where I played as a child. My drinking water was from a well that very possibly could have been contaminated from the drilling of oil wells. I swam in a pond on the oil field property. I traipsed barefooted alongside, and in, the creek bed we called “The Sinking Place.”  That Sinking Place creek waters that ran alongside the oil field was always a place of adventure of which we kids were always searching. I ate the sheep showers and berries that grew wild in that oil field. I have fond memories of those times.

To have laws requiring the oil companies to put up fences and signage is the least our legislators can do to protect the children.  I was 6 years old when I started my trek through the oil fields and the Sinking Place.